Emotional Baggage

…. Until you control inner reactions, it’s harder to control situations. Your control gets diminished if frustration, anger, impatience, and insecurity affect your response and outlook. …

 

Taking Charge of Emotions

Emotional situations can bring out the little girl in us…. Your responses today may reflect yesterday’s pain. Frustration triggers emotions that can make you feel out of control…

 

“ When my emotions ruled me, I hated myself. When I met Jilli, I envied her unruffled manner. One day everything went wrong, yet Jilli calmly juggled. I asked how. She said she likes feeling in control and intentionally manages her emotions. And she boxes to relieve stress. I’ve joined her and punch out frustrations. That helps control my emotions. The more I control, the more empowered I feel!” – Courtney

 

People Pleasers think anger isn’t nice. Smiling and suppressing behind an acquiescent facade seems more agreeable.

 

“I’d push anger away or scream, which felt good momentarily but left me ashamed after. The person didn’t understand why I was angry and got annoyed. I experimented. Nicely explaining myself feels in control, and the person listens objectively. Knowing I’ve made my point helps me let it go. I feel free now. I control the anger instead of its controlling me.” – Jessie

 

Set yourself free! Articulate anger in a nice but resolute way. Like steam, anger needs outlets.

 

* Wait until you’re calmer, not rushed.
* Address it fast and send it bye-bye.
* Be specific, sans melodrama, “ I feel like you don’t trust me when you…..” instead of “you hurt when you…”
* Avoid attack mode. It’s harder to listen objectively if you yell. Use a soft, level and friendly tone.
* Don’t use nasty words.
* Focus on actions/situations, not the person.
* Don’t be apologetic.

Anger hurts you, not the one you’re angry with. The habit of staying angry can be break if you choose to. Take a deep breath and think happy thoughts.

“ Holding on to anger makes me bitter and angry. It takes more energy to be those than the energy it would take to make fifteen people smile. I thought about the good and the bad wolf that is inside everyone – feed the good wolf and starve the bad wolf. Then I realized, love the bad wolf and eventually he will be a good wolf as well. That’s where I’m at today.” – Heidi

Forgiving frees you from being a prisoner of resentment. Revenge doesn’t. Use the energy behind anger for good.

* Burn your feelings, as described earlier. Have a good cry if necessary.
* Think about your blessings. Consider how powerful you’re becoming – it’s your choice to forgive and let go.
* Affirm “ I forgive XXX. It’s over. I love myself and don’t want to be angry.”

Forgive in your heart from afar. If someone does something unforgivable, forgive inside and move on.

 

Compassion enables forgiving. I live by the Dalai Lama’s belief that people who hurt you are suffering. Happy people avoid unkindness. Replace anger with empathy for someone’s pain. I’ve addressed mean behaviour with “ You must be hurt if you did that. I have compassion for you.” It feels better than rage. Identify why someone may be hurting. Don’t excuse it, but have compassion. Feel sorry for those who suffer enough to hurt others and be grateful for your blessings and the person you are.

 

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Random song..

Private emotion – Ricky Martin & Coco Lee